hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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