After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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