I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
