I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
