So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
