i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't notice because vodka
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
