The maid of honor just puked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
