Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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