I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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