u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sex in a hospital.. check
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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