so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
