please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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