why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
