She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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