I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
