Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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