I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
