Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
