So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
