Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
