I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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