She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
