My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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