sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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