I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
