You just made me feel so damn special
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
birth control should be required to get into college
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
