im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize