When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want nice things and good sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
