So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
