Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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