be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
