She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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