The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize