I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
