I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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