GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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