and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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