i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
