She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
