Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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