I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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