....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
