She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
