i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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