I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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