ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
