So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
