Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
