I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
