Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
