sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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