Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
