Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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