last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Randomize
