I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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