people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sober January is a disaster.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
