i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
