Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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