I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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