so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
