thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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