dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
