so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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