you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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