I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
