im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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