When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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