I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
