marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
