Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
