I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
