make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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