Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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