We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
