Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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