I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
