I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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