i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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