I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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