At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
