and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
