That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
