I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
