I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
