so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
