Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
