yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
