We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
