My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
