did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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