I'm gonna have a badass scar
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
